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Thursday, October 8th, 2009
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Wednesday, October 7th, 2009
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Friday, August 28th, 2009
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Monday, August 24th, 2009
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Wednesday, July 15th, 2009
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Thursday, June 25th, 2009
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Thursday, June 18th, 2009
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Saturday, April 25th, 2009
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Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009
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Wednesday, November 12th, 2008
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Wednesday, July 16th, 2008
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Thursday, July 26th, 2007
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12 years ago I graduated from high school with a 4.2.
8 years ago I graduated from college with a BSBA.
4 years ago is when I had my first panic attack that I actually defined. I realize more and more everyday that I had symptoms long before that, I just never knew what they were. I left in the middle of an interview one time because I could not breathe and felt so depersonalized, I just up and left and cried all the way home. Those that know me the best, dismiss 'anxiety' or 'panic attacks' as something a person like me would never have. I try to teach them, explain it to them, but on the outside I put up a great front. I am very outgoing, I hide behind humor, I was always popular, always a jock, but I'm also a girl with panic.
I have traveled all over the states, Europe and soon Mexico. I have not missed a dose of my Paxil CR for over a year. My xanax is always by my side for those 'moments' that may come. I have just decided this is a part of me whether anyone close to me believes it or not. I passed up moving to London, but today after six brutal interviews...I was announed Sales Supervisor and given a promotion.
I drove home tonight, freaking out about traffic, just wanting to get back to my couch, my comfort, my People's Court and I have to laugh because I just fooled another group. I am me and I guess I need to love me before anyone else can. Trust me, I have ups and downs and still anticipate anxiety but I learned from Grease when I was young (The Pink Ladies): you have to act cool, to look cool, to be cool.
All my best...sorry for length
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, March 22nd, 2007
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My London journey will be blogged through lj, user name jme_london if you would like to keep up on that part of my life. Thanks, love and miss.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Monday, January 1st, 2007
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My older brother got married last night. I am officially the last cousin remaining single. I turn 30 in less than 2 months and I could not be more thrilled where I am today. I have a great career, I am completley independent and do well taking care of myself. I am so happy for him, so happy he truly found his best friend in his wife. Through all the festivities though, not one time did I yearn for that for myself. I was supposed to be married with 2 children by now according to my "American Dream" written at the age of 14. I didn't take that path for myself, but I'm okay with that, almost ecstactic at loving myself. I will go to London if the offer stands which will make my 2007, my 30th year the most amazing life-changing year to date. I knew all of my heartache would pay off and finally I am taking my deep breaths, I can look at myself in the mirror and love the person looking back. I have to believe in fate, destiny...I told myself I would never settle, and damn...I have stuck by that. I could have taken the easy way, the comfortable way, but I veered off path and thankful every day that I did. Thank you for the lead, thank you for telling me I'm more than what I even know. I wish all the best to all my friends and family in '07, I'm going to take care of myself, you are on your own to take care of yours. I am cutting the ties to all of those that say they 'can't live without me'...you need this as much as me. I have a great guardian angel that is giving back to me what he knows I deserve and I thank God every day for that.
*I miss your crystal blue eyes gramps, I will see you again though, when my time comes, I will feel the hug I have missed for over 3 years now. You are my strength, I will do this for you. I will show you the ocean through my eyes, I will show you Europe. Love and Miss*
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
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Some people are settling down
Some people are settling
Some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, November 24th, 2006
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I am thankful for life, for memories, for family, for all my friends, most of all, starting to figure out who I am after all these years.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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simplehope's journal
